The Goose and Springtime

Spring is late. Winter rages and all the forest animals are freezing and starving to death, so one goose takes it upon itself to travel to the land of Winter and plead with it to end, only to learn that Spring, a young rascal, is late in coming because it's out having fun. The only way to end the long cold winter means sacrifice, as the goose sets off to find Spring.

 
 As the middle of April in Toronto has seen some nasty wintery weather, this reminded me of this story written so long ago and so decided to post it in a few places online.


This fable/fairy tale is now available to read at I'll Tell you a Story. This story first appeared in the Rose and Thorn and was later picked up in 2005 by the Taj Mahal Review. Despite the temptation to edit it, the story has been left in all its glory and with its editorial flaws intact.

Stu and the Stupid Stew

 Stuart, an inquisitive nine-year-old boy, lives in a village full of people so stupid that after falling in love with a delicious stew, the local philosophers come up with the Thought of thoughts: build a gigantic pot, fill it with stew, jump in and live happily ever after.


Only there's a problem: As the villagers stuff their faces, the stew becomes less. If they don’t escape, everyone will be trapped and burned at the bottom of the pot. Before long, the only way to the rim will be to build a human ladder. Stu sets out to warn everyone.


However there’s another problem: the villagers have forgotten they’re in a pot and demand proof - that Stu bring this so-called pot or mythical bottom to them. The philosophers force Stu to go to the bottom in a box where he meets a bizarre character called Archibald, Lord of Soup Sharks with 36 brains, who the philosophers have slanderously called the devil. However, a few begin to believe Stu's legend of the Bottom, calling him a prophet. Then a ridiculous war breaks out between the philosophers, and Stu wonders if they will ever escape in time.


This is an allegorical/satire middle grade silliness. Sample chapters available at  Authonomy.

Metal, Bark and Whispers Soup

Stephen King was right when he said that an author is not always, if ever, a good judge of his or her work. Metal, Bark and Whispers Soup is probably my most successful story. Yet it's my opinion it's not my best work. For example, a personal favorite: The Peasant who annoyed Death, does not get much, if any, positive feedback, sometimes quite the opposite. And something like The Way of the Cow is largely ignored. However, some of the absurdity in Metal, Bark and Whispers Soup is enjoyable, like: ..he ran so fast his chin was in his mouth...

Metal, Bark and Whispers Soup received an excellent edit by Meredith Morgenstern when it was first published by the Rose and Thorn back in 2003. It then was nominated for the Pushcart Prize that year and may (or may not) have been read on a New York radio station - on WBAR, a nonprofit station in 2004.

It was reprinted at Bewildering Stories where it was voted one of their top 13 stories in the 2nd quarter of 2011 (679 votes on 93 titles).

It is now available at I'll Tell you a Story. There is only one small change: a semicolon was added. This site offers up fairy tales from all around the world. It is a fairly new site but may become a handy database in the future of fairy tales from all over the world. It is appropriate this story is made available there during the Halloween season this year, as the protagonist is a tiny witch.

Publishing history:

Metal, Bark and Whispers / I'll Tell You a Story / October 2012
Metal, Bark and Whispers / BEWILDERING STORIES / Spring 2011
Metal, Bark and Whispers Soup / THE ROSE AND THORN / Fall 2003

How the Dead Die

How the Dead Die is now available at Hogglepot. The story is set during World War 1 at the height of the stalemate, when neither side was gaining ground yet many men were dying for what looked like no reason at all. This story has a slight Twilight Zone feel to it, mixed with the old stories from the Weird War Tales comic which is one of my favorite comics.

The Peasant who annoyed Death

The Peasant who annoyed Death is now available at Shortbread Stories. A slightly humorous fable in which Death is kind of like the good guy, giving advice to a peasant too lazy to keep Death away.

What the Fisherman did not see

What the Fisherman did not see is now available and Shortbread Stories. This story originally appeared several years ago in the last issue of Writer's Hood. This version has been revised and shortened.

Here is a shorter version of Old Muds that was entered into a contest at Shortbread last month for Valentin's Day. In order to qualify the story had to be cut down to 500 words or less, which was a fun exercise in brevity and didn't take long; only one or two tough decisions needed to be made in regards to what could stay and what had to go. It came fourth out of about 25 stories, which is respectable.

It is now possible to read Metal, Bark and Whispers Soup at Bewildering Stories. This story was originally published at the Rose and Thorn and was nominated for the Pushcart prize that year (2003).

Mrs. Mud’s brush with Death by Troy Morash is now available at Cabinet des Fées. This story continues the adventures of Mrs. Mud and her husband. The character first appeared in the story The Old Muds in Fables back in Spring 2002. The second story: Mrs. Mud and her Basket of Apples can be read in The Summerset Review and was published in winter 2003.

Mrs. Mud’s brush with Death was first titled Mrs. Mud's First Death. The reason being that there are other times that she dies and has experiences of the afterlife. The character is the epitome of exaggeration not unlike Lewis Carrol's Queen of Hearts. Mrs. Mud lives in an extreme state and experiences extreme emotions which are not to her advantage.

The Two Cats and a River was written a few years ago. It has now been posted at Hazard Cat. This story is dedicated to Sabrina: 2001-2008, one weird and cool cat.

The Peasant who annoyed Death















Another story of mine has been published at Moon Drenched Fables called The Peasant who annoyed Death. This is a slightly humorous fable in which Death is kind of like the good guy.

Daily Flash 2011
Cover Price $24.99
Published by Daily Flash Publications, an Imprint of Pill Hill Press
ISBN-13: 978-1617060106

DAILY FLASH 2011: 365 DAYS OF FLASH FICTION is a 2011 flash fiction calendar anthology, with a 500 word or less short story featured for every day of the calendar year. Filled with 365 short stories, this is a fun and practical anthology designed for busy readers.

One of my story's has been published in this neat anthology. It is called "The Danger of Not being Oneself"

The Juggler and the Bet

The Juggler and the Bet is now available at Anthology Builder. The story originally appeared at Sun Oasis in 2003 and was written in the mid 1990's.

Teaser:

When a poor young man suddenly becomes successful juggling, it goes to his head in the worst possible way. He begins treating those that love him horribly until his wife makes a bet with him, one that he would be crazy to accept and crazy to refuse, for if he wins the bet he will become the most powerful man on earth.

Been really busy the last while, working on two different books. So there hasn't been much time for much else. A new story came out at Mirror Dance called the Picky Dragon at the beginning of September. A nice journal of fantasy stories, worth checking out.

The Witch and the Devil

The Witch and the Devil is a VERY simplistic fable that illustrates how evil and good are interchangeable terms. The story further demonstrates how the devil might be willing to do good (can do good) in the name of evil. That is, that no matter what evil a person does, they are committing it because it will do some good to themselves or those they love. Why shouldn't that include the devil?

This brings us to the question: Are good and evil relative? Can an argument be made that Good and Evil are simply mental concepts, mental constructions and have little value in an objective and external, non-mental reality? Are they subjective? If so, then everything outside of the mind is perfect at being what it is. If this is the case then it might be our interpretation of events based on a limited awareness of said events that determines good or evil. And of course, how much we suffer.

However this does not really have too much to do with the above story, published by Yesteryear a relatively new (October 2009) online journal. It showcases a new story every day.

The story itself was written in the year 2000, Odessa, Ukraine. One of only two stories written that year. The other is called the "Trumpet and the Oboe". However giving the witch a name was a recent addition.

The Shoe (The Relics of Things to Come)

The Shoe can be found at Everyday Weirdness . This story was taken from a Soviet joke, as were many of the stories written under the collective title The Relics of Things to Come. Though this story is technically a part of the collection entitled The Leftovers of Things to Come.

It's interesting that this story (The Shoe) should be published at the same time the findings of this Armenian shoe were made public. Found in a cave, it is reputed to be 5,500 years old. This would make it the oldest shoe in the world.

So it is indeed a miracle to find a shoe.

Three Fairy Tales

Three stories have been posted at Fiction Press. They are all reprints that had been at one place or another in the past. You can find them here: The Peacock and the Pig, The Way of the Cow, and The Pot of Stew.

As well, The Man who loved his Cow more than his Wife can be seen at Short Bread.

Here is a blurb for "The man who loved his cow...":

The tale of a man who loves his cow more than his wife, so much so that his only wish is to become like a cow so he can understand it. His wife naturally grows jealous and begins thinking evil thoughts like taking the cow to the butcher's. Can the farmer learn to love his wife again or is the cow to pay the ultimate price?

The Way of the Cow

So, it came to my attention that a story published at the Glut in 2004, The Way of the Cow has been hacked up by Russian businessmen. Why Russian? They left some clues. Clues like: a Russian CD link next to my byline (blasphemy!). Then they desecrated my bio which opens with an ad: Moscow travel company Vodohod suggested russian river cruises to see all the sights of Moscow - followed by my humble bio and ending with a link to a hotel in Moldova. They probably advertised here because of the fact that the bio states the author was living in Odessa, Ukraine. Oh, well. An author should be flattered that they thought they could generate business by hacking into his story. Too bad nobody reads it. Ha-ha! The joke is on them.

The story is weird enough without the bad, cheap, glaring Russian ads hacked into it. From comments received and there were not many (Two. Okay that might be a slight exaggeration) there seems to be some confusion in regards to what the story is trying to say.

So allow me to elaborate in a rambling and vague manner.

It has always fascinated how people can get overly emotional about eating. Sure, we all feel better when eating but there are some of us that aren't, well, normal when it comes to eating. They hum and haw whenever the very subject comes up and their eyes fill up with water. If only they could harness that energy for something other than eating! Add to that the almost religious fervor society today invests in food. Massive supermarkets, free sampling, web sites, web blogs, books, seminars, restaurants, cafes, and finally advertising, which seems silly really. Really, we have to eat, it's not like people need to be sold on the idea of eating.

On the surface it seems that it is the only thing that matters. If we aren't eating then we are talking about food or thinking about food. The only time we give food a break is when we are full, which never lasts long enough. Soon we are hungry again and stuffing our faces. When we aren't eating or are hungry we grow irritable and when we are stuffing our faces we feel good. Food is mood.

Hence the story: The Way of the Cow, and the proverb at the end: "A steak is tasty and fun to eat, but to force an entire cow down your throat will surely kill you."

But don't take my word for it.